


Erica Reyes and Stiles Stilinski’s guide to being bisexual

by graveltotempo



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Mutual Pining, The Pack Being Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:21:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7786555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graveltotempo/pseuds/graveltotempo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erica and Stiles are bisexual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erica Reyes and Stiles Stilinski’s guide to being bisexual

**Author's Note:**

> BITCH, DON'T BELIEVE WHAT JEFF DAVIES SAYS, ERICA AND STILES ARE BISEXUAL, ERICA REYES AND VERNON BOYD ARE ALIVE AND EVERYTHING IS NICE FUCK OFF JEFF
> 
> also, obv teen wolf owns this, I dont own the characters OR THE STORYLINE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER

**_ Erica Reyes and Stiles Stilinski’s guide to being bisexual  _ **

**1.** **Know what bisexuality is!!!!! Aka read the FAQ**

“The actual definition of bisexual is getting the best of both words.” Decided Stiles three hours in their impromptu study session, arching one single eyebrow in what he hoped was a Derek Hale Eyebrow Rise N. 7. It was a pathetic attempt. They both knew it.

Erica tapped a few words on her phone with an eyeroll. “Unfortunately, you are wrong. The actual definition is loving both baseball and volleyball.”

Stiles stared at her for a beat. “Is it a metaphor?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the metaphor.”

“Volleyball includes flying balls. Like flying boobs. When girls jump during volleyball, their boobs fly and soar in the sky. It’s a magical moment that everyone should always treasure.” She explained, looking up the sky with her phone raised, like she was Rafiki presenting Simba for the first time.

Stiles gave a low whistle. “Deep. What about baseball?”

Erica gave him a smirk. “Because baseball bats look like dicks and all the players care about is getting first, second and third base.” She finished.

The brunette scrunched up his nose. “Less cool. Borderline mean and sexist.” He grinned. “Me likey.”

 **2.** **Know what are the Bisexual Privileges™ and Rules are**

“You see, Stiles. Bisexuality isn’t easy! It’s an art that was bestowed upon only the worthy ones! It’s something that some people fail to understand, a concept so great people are unable to truly understand it!” She sighed teathrically, standing on the table of the library where they had been put in detention.

A couple of kids were staring at her with wide eyes, but no one could stop Erica Reyes when she actually put the effort in. She turned to Stiles with a flourish. “What are we?”

Stiles sat up straighter, puffing his chest in pride. “Bisexuals!”

“And what do we want?”

“To have lots of sex with girls and boys!”

“And?”

“To marry rich important people and ruin relationships!”

“And?”

“To be loved and appreciated for who we are and what we love?”

“And?”

“Lower prices on gas and coco pops bars?” He hazarded, stealing a look at her notebook.

Erica put a hand on her heart. “Yes. That’s what we want. Why did they have to raise the price on those delicious motherfuckers? Why do they not care about poor bisexuals who don’t have no money to pay the rents and live in a state of absolute poverty?”

Stiles nodded emphatically. “I… I have a family to maintain! I can barely meet the end of the month nowadays, so many bills to pay…”

“Your shoes and your clothes alone cost more than the majority of the school appliances.” Pointed out one of the smart ass juniors in detention with them.

Erica gave him a look that could have cut glass. “Well excuse me if I still want to look attractive. Not that,” she sniffed, “You would know anything about that.”

Then she flipped her hair and sashayed out of the room, Stiles giving the rest of the students the ultimate Jackson Whittemore Bitch Face N. 32. He had it down to art.

 **3.** **The Bisexual Agenda AKA the Secrecy ACT**

“What do we have planned for Thursday?” asked Stiles, as he started the engine of the Jeep, stealing a look at Erica.

She opened her phone, checking their time table. “Overthrow the Government just after lunch, look so good that the Basic Bitches will want to kill themselves from envy and be better than everybody else.”

Stiles nodded, sighing dramatically as he looked out of the window. “The busy life of two Queen Bees.”

“Oh, we also have dinner with your father and Star Wars Marathon.” Added Erica, squinting her eyes at the screen.

Stiles gave her another sigh. “Why are we always, literally, so much better than anyone else?” he asked, and they both sighed again driving away in the sunset.

 **4.** **The Infamous Clothes Act AKA the Argument Postulate**

“Leather Jacket!”

“Like hell!”

“Listen up, Stilinski,” started Erica holding up the leather jacket in her hands like she was thinking of ripping it in half, which no-oh, bad idea, “I am a leather jacket bisexual.”

“Like hell you are.” He almost spat, glancing at the spot where he was sure Derek was hiding, “Mr Red Eyes Alpha Eyebrows of Doom has you and the rest brainwashed to think that you need to wear leather jackets; but you don’t! You can _not_ -wear it!”

The girl shook her head. “Stiles, the other choice is so much worse than this. It’s either leather jacket or cardigan. Can you see me wearing a cardigan?” she questioned him.

Stiles had a sudden terrifying vision of Erica in a beige cardigan as she tried to convince people to join the right path and let Jesus take wheel. “Okay, take the leather jackets.”

Erica smiled winningly, linking arms with him. “Vamos, Batman. Next up: are you a space bi or an ocean bi?”

Stiles grinned right back. “Definitely a space bi, cause this ass is out of this world, gurl!”

“Damn, gurl! Also, me too, because I can’t wait to land on Uranus.”

“Damn, gurl!”

5.      The No Kiss List AKA the Boyfriends Statute

Stiles and Erica were currently sitting in a corner of Derek’s loft, head bent down over a small Ipad, and no one wanted to know what they were looking at. They knew it would only cause problems.

“Dibs.”

Stiles pushed her away. “No way. He’s not even that much, Erica are you okay?” he whispered back, glancing up on time to see Derek and Boyd looking at them perplexed. He glared, and they turned away.

The blonde girl stole another look at the Ipad. “He looks like a male Allison Argent, don’t you think?”

Stiles turned his glare on her. “That’s because it’s her _father_! You can’t ask out Allison’s _father_!”

“Who said that?” asked Erica, like she was actually considering going out and asking Chris Argent on a date with her.

Stiles rolled his eyes. “Fathers are on the No Kiss List, of course.”

“What?! I was going to ask your dad out next!” she sounded genuinely dismayed, while Stiles thought about several different ways not to die vomiting.

“Erica! Fathers, mothers, brother and sisters are on the No Kiss List. You know that.”

The girl sniffed. “Good thing we’re both only children then.”

Then she scooted closer to him. “Vernon is on _your_ No Kiss List. Right?”

The brunette looked offended at that. “Why? I wouldn’t mind kissing Boyd, you know?” he whispered, so that Derek wouldn’t hear and create the biggest miscommunication ever. He had watched a couple of rom coms in the last few days. As in yesterday. He watched 6 rom coms yesterday.

“Do you want me to kiss Derek?” her look was so judgemental that Stiles of course had to stick out his tongue at her.

“Copy that.” He glanced at the way she was mournfully looking at the picture of Chris Argent. “You’re not allowed to hit on Allison either.”

“WHAT? And WHY?” She exploded. The rest of the pack stopped what they were doing to glance at them, and the way Stiles’ hand was clapped on Erica’s mouth. It wasn’t the strangest thing they’ve ever seen them doing.

Once everyone’s attention was diverted, he finally let her go. “Are you insane? That’s Scott’s boo, his girl, his soulmate, his girl, his closest friend, actually his second closest friend, I’m the first, but she’s his heart, his love, his reason to be, why are you not stopping me yet, stop me-”

She rolled her eyes, interrupting him. “And how does that affect me?”

Stiles stared her steadily in the eye. “Would you want me to break Jackson and Lydia up?”

Erica actually flashed her eyes at that. “You wouldn’t dare. Lydia would return a bitch, and Jackson would unleash Resting Bitch Face N. 26. Do not do that.”

“This is how I feel about #Scallison. Scott and Allison,” he added, at her blank look. “Scott would unleash Puppy Eyes Level 3, and you know how much destruction that alone causes. Allison would start shooting bitches again, and we don’t want that.”

“We don’t?”

“We don’t.”

 **6.** **The Coming Out AKA the Bisexuality Decree**

“How did you convince Derek to order purple, pink and blue flowers?” marvelled Erica, from where she was yet again sat next to Stiles, as they observed the hundreds of flowers that went from their parking space to the front of the school.

Stiles shrugged, pleased with himself. “I didn’t ask him. I just bitched about how much I wanted those flowers and where I wanted them with him in earshot, and hoped for the best.”

The blonde stared at him for a few seconds. “Damn Stiles, you got the Alpha wrapped around your lithe little fingers.” She whistled, with an approving look.

The brunette blushed, batting her hand away and finishing off the nail polishing. “He would do that for anyone.” He mumbled, and tried to disappear under Erica’s Unimpressed Look N. 5. It was very impressive.

“Pull your head out of your ass, and ask him out!” she hissed at him.

Stiles rolled his eyes. “Why doesn’t he ask me instead?”

“Uh, because he doesn’t believe us when we tell him you’re bi, which is exactly why we’re doing all this.” She pointed out, huffing at her nails.

Stiles scowled at her. “How could he possibly think that I’m straight?” he asked, stressed.

Erica’s expression was flat. “I don’t know, maybe because you spent at least 10 years of your life in love with Lydia Martin, and never showed any sort of attraction for anyone else?” she deadpanned.

The boy shook his head. “Whatever. It’s time.” He decided, stepping out of the car and in the pile of flowers.

They were met with complete and utter silence as they made their way towards the school, everyone stopping and staring at them, except Allison and Isaac, who immediately walked up to them in horror.

“What are you wearing?” asked the blond boy, glancing at the pride flag cape they had on.

“My outfit is on point for the occasion.” Sneered Stiles, looking down at himself. There was glitter involved. And pomp oms and suspenders. His hair was purple sprayed. His bisexual powers were at their maximum: in a few minutes he would achieve the maximum bisexual power; invisibility.

Erica nodded and then turned to face the rest of the school, who was kind of staring at them in utter bewilderment. “ _Peasants_!” she started, making Allison and Isaac wince, “We are here together reunited today to celebrate two beautiful and great additions to the bisexual community!

I’m Bisexual!” she called at the wind, actually giddy with happiness, especially when Stiles took her hand in his and shouted “I’m Bisexual too!”

Right on cue, confetti started to fall down from the sky.

(“What the fuck?” Said Isaac, staring at the pink and purple sweets falling from the sky.

Erica shrugged, still grinning. “I mentioned it to Vernon, and he said okay.” She explained.

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Why are Derek and Boyd so _whipped_?”)

 **7.** **Go Get ‘Em Tiger AKA GO GET THEM TIGER**

“What are Erica and Stilinski doing right now?” asked Isaac with a put upon sigh as he watched the other two crawl like crabs toward Derek’s loft, still in their ridiculous outfits. Not even Harris had managed to get them out of it without them calling him Biphobic and anti LGBT+.

Jackson just shook his head. “Just ignore them. They think they are invisible.”

Isaac closed his eyes and then turned to face the other side, because he really, really did not want to get involved in this.

Stiles and Erica high fived. “The bisexual powers are working!”

Jackson gave Isaac another pained look. “Just… let’s just go.”

The other two slithered inside the house, where Boyd and Derek were already sat talking lowly to each other about important business™ (“And Stiles always thinks he’s right…” “Oh my god man, Erica does too, she does too…”), but stopped immediately when they entered.

Erica walked up to Boyd and kissed his cheek. “Hey babe.”

The boy just looked at her outfit for a few moments. “Why are you dressed like this?” he asked instead, eyeing the suspenders with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

“It’s BI awareness day.” She said, winking, before turning to witness what she hoped was the birth of #Sterek.

Derek stared at Stiles’ outfit with wide eyes. “What is that.” He said in the end, staring at the suspenders with Alpha red eyes. Kinky.

Stiles shrugged. “Oh, you know. Suspenders. To go with my outfit, since, you know. Bi Awareness day. And I am. Bi I mean. Not a suspender. Yeah. Totally bisexual, love girl and boys. All the boys. All the guys. Love the men just like I like my coffee. Hot, hard… tall… with green eyes… and a stubble…”

“I don’t know him.” Said Erica, staring almost in awe at the train wreck in front of her. Honestly, coffee? With eyes? And stubble?

Derek’s face was a comical _oh,_ before he snapped it shut with an audible snap. “Uhm. So… wanna go out?” he asked, cringing internally.

Boyd nodded at Erica. “I don’t know them either. What is this?” he didn’t exactly say that. But his face spoke Erica’s language all right.

Stiles winced. “You want me to leave?”

Derek shook his head quickly. “No. Go out. With _me_. Somewhere?”

This time the brunette light up. “As in a DATE? With you?” he asked, eyes wide in shock.

The werewolf shrugged, but he looked pleased with himself. Probably patting himself on the back or something. “If you want.”

“Dude! Yes! Obviously yes? I mean… yes, Derek, I want to go out on a date with you.” He corrected himself, still beaming.

Erica threw herself at them both, kissing Stiles’ cheek. “I’m so proud of you, my _smol_ bisexual baby prince, so proud!” she gushed, holding him tight.

“Can’t breathe… no space, much boobs…” groaned Stiles, but he hugged back.

“Bisexuals rock!”

Derek rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Anyway… I received a receipt from Hot Topic? Do you two happen to know anything about _that_?”

(“Are they pretending to be invisible again?” asked Boyd, watching as they both closed their eyes and started to crawl away.

“Yup.” Answered Derek, amused.

Jackson and Isaac walked in, noticed Erica and Stiles, and then walked out again.)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry but I'm also... not?


End file.
